“The Girl Who Was Scared To Try”
There once was a girl who wanted to do well,
But she was scared of failure, so she’s stuck in a Hell
Of procrastination and excuses, since she’s afraid to commit
And these simple facts are something she’d never admit.
So she dibble dabbles in this and that, but it’s all the same
Never finishing anything she starts, and only she is to blame
Cuz’ to fail at a sincere effort, is her greatest fear
So she hides behind cynicism, year after year…
If she never attempts anything, then she’ll never be judged
Living in her cocoon of passivity, where she’ll never be budged
Hopefully someday she’ll decide to finally TRY,
Because having regrets on your deathbed is no way to die.
‘I haven’t had a friend in years… I only have sex with myself’
….the future? aha
the leftover song of a magic night :)
Train ride. tattered pages. side ways glance. smile. find keys. god wear is my swipe? got it. Dark side street. Quite home of my own.
I still wake at 3am because that’s what time you got home most mornings. drunk. high. nothing out of the usual. light sleep waiting for the slam and crash of walls. The walls are silent now the word ‘whore’ has faded along with the smell of your cigarette stained clothes.
‘Not tonight jessie I dont have the time’
You never understood that time was all you had.
This house reminds me of the absolute frustration I felt at a point
the horrible dividing of things.
in the end your kindness surprised me
taking me to the dr when I was sick, cooking me dinner when I found out my friend died.
I dont know if its because you felt bad about the way things played out
but I appreciate it all
and am so grateful to be on such good terms with you now.
I know Im the best practice better for the next kind of girl
I’ll be the first to admit love confuses me very much
and that marriage is not a high priority on the list of things to do in my life.
Im not bitter or cynical
hopeless romantics can never be this…
but my heart does not come as freely as it used to
Sometimes I miss the presence of someone
after a long shift
19 yr old with a brain tumor
diagnosed with cancer 2 days after his wedding
life I have found out can sometimes be shit
That’s just how the story is written not every one can have a fairytale end
I was told
‘neuro will harden you the fuck up girl’
but I know it will.
I look back on the past 5 years
and I can see how much I have grown
the places I’ve seen
the things I’ve managed to accomplish
although being a perfectionist I’m waaayy behind
in my own mind anyway
the pressure of the looming 25 calls for another list
Even though it may not have been easy
and if I could go back and change some things I would (the wonderful power of hindsight)
I may not have said/done that, I may have left that relationship earlier, I would have found a way to keep you here…
I dont regret a thing except one.
After fending for myself in the real world I have such a deep understanding
of all that my parents actually did for me, the sacrifices, the hard work, the fact
they both supported me in everything I did (except the nude modelling dad)
and I regret that I never expressed all these things to my mum..because back then I just didn’t know.
I was so caught up in my own life I just didn’t see things the way I do now.
I appreciate the select special few people who have always been fighting on my side
the ones who never leave
that I am proud to call my friends
and I love them more than I could ever show.
The beautiful people I have met in chance encounters
the patients who remind me every day how lucky I am
and how amazing the smallest things in life can be.
I appreciate still those I no longer have in my life for particular reasons
who helped make me who I am today.
When I graduated I thought of him and how without realizing it he made me into a better person
how much I love him and always will for the things he taught me that I never knew I needed to learn
how much I wish for great things for him
how all I had longed to hear from him were the words ‘I’m so proud of you’
and although I never heard them
time passed and I could say them to myself
because I have done things I once believed I never could.
I am happy. So happy. kickin’ it filled with so much love and gratitude tonight!
Missing you dearly…. hurry up april! :)
Powderfinger - These Days (live) (by 43Kouta)
Bare foot sitting on your shoulders hearing this live… stored in the ‘I want to live this fucking moment forever’ file
Ok my awesome salad dressing for you sweet like you asked
6 tablespoons olive oil
4 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
4 tablespoons mango chutney
2 teaspoons wholegrain mustard
2 teaspoons sweet chilli sauce
1/4 teaspoon of curry powder
I think that’s about it I mix things around as I go x